In All Seriousness

Invariably there comes a time when contracts fall apart.  It's hard to find the breaking point. 

As Einstein said,  "The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once".  Thank you, time. 

 

Time allows me to think about the future, and it turns out that I really like studying religion and my beautiful theology minor is the only sanity in my academic life. So I think I've chosen to go to Divinity School for my Masters after graduation. Choosing something, alone, for yourself, on your own, this is surely one of the great gifts in life. 

Now let me say something about this choice. 

The struggle for meaning in life (who am I? Why am I here? What The Fuck Am I Doing?) is like being lost at sea. At best it is a frantic, desperate struggle against the current, and at worst it is a constant and unwavering despair, a loss of hope. Beauty, passion, love, happiness, exoticness, excitement, these are like pieces of driftwood to which we cling, temporary rewards for our efforts. But in time these all crumble, and we are left waving our arms and beating our legs in any attempt to stay afloat. But God, Gods, Religion in general, these things are like the Coast Guard, the Shore. Real and unending solutions that people give anything to find. 

Yes, I consider myself a religious person. Yes, I am Christian (but not Catholic). I find sanctity in the inexhaustible nature of Jesus, the community and calmness of Churches, and the idea that something exists that could have made this earth and its inhabitants as beautiful as they are. But not everyone believes in these things, not everyone believes in my religion, not everyone believes in A religion at all. I am not a missionary, I am not a zealot, I am not a not going to divinity school to become either. 

I am also not going to divinity school to become a priest. I am not going, as of now, to study one particular religion, but to study this lost-at-sea predicament that every human soul faces daily, whether or not it is conscious, because this fascinates me. 

And now, as Santogold would say:

I am an introvert, an excavator, 

I'm ducking out for now, a face in dodgy elevators, 

creep up and suddenly I found myself

an innovator 

I can say I hope it will be worth what I give up

If i can stand up mean for what I believe